He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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