god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize