i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
