a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
