Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize