Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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