is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize