Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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