I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
