This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
