I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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