youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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