How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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