Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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