your thong is hanging out like whoa
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
