your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
