I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
