good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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