I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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