Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
