we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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