It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
