she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize