dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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