great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
