At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
