I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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