After last night, I could never be a politician.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You're a waste of cheezeits
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
