I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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