Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
This toilet bowl is my home.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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