Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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