I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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