We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
