Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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