I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
