that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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