We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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