We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
