Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
