I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
All the doctor said was why
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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