Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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