In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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