We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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