so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
