he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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