everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
