So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
