420 ftw
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
