1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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