Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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