I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
