I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize