Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
