I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize