I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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