Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
