If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize