I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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