wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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