so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
it's like iHOP with fire
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
