Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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