I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize