i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
