I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
