i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
