As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
