I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
