I skipped work to stalk him.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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