I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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