I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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