So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
