So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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