Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
well you can't waste a boner
it's like iHOP with fire
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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