the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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