Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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