my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
