If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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