just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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