I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
