??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You are the jesus of drinking
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
