I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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