I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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