The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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