I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
