i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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