i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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