remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
