I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
