im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
as a side note pls kill me
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
