i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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