I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
