I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
