38 yer olds are good kisserssss
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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