this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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