i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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